My nephew is only three and he has no qualms with throwing his top trump insult as us whenever he can: “you’re not my best friend”. But they learn a lot by doing various shitty things to one another whilst they’re learning to be better. They aren’t demons, don’t get me wrong – they’re just normal kids, who are also absolutely wonderful. The 13 years of education isn’t just about teaching in the academic sense: it’s the time when children are learning the emotional and social skills that are going to take them into young adulthood. I sat safely on the edge of the cool group my entire school career, but you there isn’t enough money in the world that would make me want to go and do it again. It’s not unusual when I talk with people I went to school with to hear them say that it was the worst time of their lives, and honestly? That doesn’t surprise me one bit. Nothing else mattered except social hierarchy, and fitting in was the difference between security and misery. In a way, I was both right and wrong she had the experience and maturity to see how I was feeling was blown way out of proportion, but at the same time I was that age those relationships were my whole life. My mum tried to reason with me, telling me it would all feel silly in the morning – and I just dismissed what she was saying because she was trivialising it: clearly she didn’t understand. I can’t remember what that argument was about but I remember feeling so devastated that I was convinced I needed to change schools (it was probably something as ridiculous as I’d bought the same jeans as her). But when I was 12, I still remember that I’d argued with my friend and gone home to my mum and cried all evening, positive that I could never face anyone again because my life was essentially over. Instead of thinking purely about myself and how I’m feeling, I’d be wondering what’s happening with them. First failure (actually, I can tell you from experience that failures will always be difficult to overcome, no matter how practiced you get).īut it’s true: if I were to fall out with a friend now it would be hard and upsetting, but I’d have reasoning and experience to help me deal with it and resolve the issue. First time you properly disappoint your parents. First time you fall out with said friends. That’s because we are processing and dealing with 20-odd-years-worth of ‘firsts’. In reality, we don’t get perspective and self-awareness until we’re well into our 20s. When you’re little, life is simultaneously easy (because literally everything is done for you: what is admin? What is budgeting? What is LIFE PURPOSE? Just pour me my cereal, tell me how amazing I am and recommend I go for a nap!) but totally overwhelming. It’s a mixture of things: from watching my nephews and how they process change and anxiety, to reflecting on my own childhood and considering what’s missing from what we’re teaching young people at school. With the start of the new school year I’ve found myself reflecting on how hard it is to be young.
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